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  • Rebecca

You can't just 'get over it' (in my opinion)

Throughout my training I was told to be authentic, genuine and only where appropriate reveal something about your self. To add to this my grounding in being Person Centred gives you the client control in the room to provide the material necessary for growth and change. However, there is one thing that I cannot help but bring in and share a perspective on. The phrase 'get over it' is something I feel is so flippantly thrown in when people aren't available to understand what is going on for you. I ban the use of this phrase in the room for this reason as it. I offer instead to move forward, as one does not simply get over it!

A lot of the work i do with clients has an underpinning of a loss, being it of someone, some thing or a part of themselves. Grief and loss are incredibly difficult and complex to overcome, being laden in the ways in which the relationship impacts your life. This is why it is frustrating when we feel the need to diminish the feelings that are very live to fit in with an expected time frame in which we need to 'get over it'. In my therapy space I assure you that there is never a pressure on moving forward rapidly, I work within your world to provide insight into where you are in the journey and how to navigate effective ways of coping to endure and survive these feelings. One of the main functions of grief is grounded in change and how you adjust to this. I often use the theory that Kubler-Ross provides on the stages of grief of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I do stress that it is not a linear process and not everyone goes through the stages but the feelings associated at stages once looked at can provide insight into areas that may be difficult to navigate.

Denial is often seen as a defense mechanism, serving to protect us from harm, but in this you can often lock away the feelings which ultimately lead to difficulty. I use the image of a volcano to describe what happens when we stop our feelings from 'spilling out'. Imagine a volcano, free to move around, the lava being our emotions flowing around. When we start shutting those feelings out, creating a cap on the volcano they build and build, finding other ways to escape into the world. Emotions carry such a huge amount of power both mentally but physically as well. It can be helpful to look at the mechanisms that our emotions play in the symptoms you are going through. Anxiety for example is sometimes a thinking pattern surrounded often by assuming the worst possible outcome which is paired with physical symptoms such as nausea and heart palpitations. When we are faced with a phrase such as 'get over it' there can be this need to diminish how we feel and lock it away, leaving your emotions stuck and unresolved. Counselling can relieve those emotions and enable you to see how letting them come to the surface is something you can survive and more importantly move forward with.

Denial is just one of the areas that are explored in grief if this is what is relevant for the situation you are in, but can you see the impact a phrase 'get over it' can have? It can forge a path to not allowing someone to fully acknowledge what is going on for them and allow them to come to a resolve in their own way and in their own time. There is a cliche that time is a great healer, which is true, so why do we feel the need to rush a process that bears such a huge impact on many of us?

Change is hard, scary and unpredictable but in my therapy space you can cease back control and navigate what is going on for you free from judgement or criticism to help you move forward.

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